random thoughts...

क्या करें क्या ना करें ये कैसी मुश्किल हाय

2010-12-23T00:58:00.003-08:00

एक अनंत आसमान , और उसमे लाखों सितारे

सब तारों की रौशनी अलग, सब चमकते नज़ारे

शायद हम सब का अपना एक तारा हो

उस तारे के लिए हम भी एक नज़ारा हो

वो बूढा फ़रिश्ता देख के हमें हस्ता होगा

जो हिन् अटके, तो हाथ दिया, सामने रस्ता होगा

इस कटपुतली के खेल में हम खिलाडी हैं

एक अनजान रस्ते पे चलते, भटकते राही हैं

रास्ते कटते हैं, मिलते हैं, फिर कट जाते हैं

इस चक्रव्यूह में घूम हम कभी थक जाते हैं

इंतज़ार है, उस वक़्त का, जब मैं शांत बैठ सकूंगा

चाँद के बगल, धागे पकड़ा, एक चमकता सितारा हूँगा.

क्या करें क्या ना करें ये कैसी मुश्किल हाय

2010-12-23T00:58:00.002-08:00

सब तारों की रौशनी अलग, सब चमकते नज़ारे

शायद हम सब का अपना एक तारा हो

उस तारे के लिए हम भी एक नज़ारा हो

वो बूढा फ़रिश्ता देख के हमें हस्ता होगा

जो हिन् अटके, तो हाथ दिया, सामने रस्ता होगा

इस कटपुतली के खेल में हम खिलाडी हैं

एक अनजान रस्ते पे चलते, भटकते राही हैं

रास्ते कटते हैं, मिलते हैं, फिर कट जाते हैं

इस चक्रव्यूह में घूम हम कभी थक जाते हैं

इंतज़ार है, उस वक़्त का, जब मैं शांत बैठ सकूंगा

चाँद के बगल, धागे पकड़ा, एक चमकता सितारा हूँगा.

क्या करें क्या ना करें ये कैसी मुश्किल हाय

2010-12-23T00:58:00.001-08:00

सब तारों की रौशनी अलग, सब चमकते नज़ारे

शायद हम सब का अपना एक तारा हो

उस तारे के लिए हम भी एक नज़ारा हो

वो बूढा फ़रिश्ता देख के हमें हस्ता होगा

जो हिन् अटके, तो हाथ दिया, सामने रस्ता होगा

इस कटपुतली के खेल में हम खिलाडी हैं

एक अनजान रस्ते पे चलते, भटकते राही हैं

रास्ते कटते हैं, मिलते हैं, फिर कट जाते हैं

इस चक्रव्यूह में घूम हम कभी थक जाते हैं

इंतज़ार है, उस वक़्त का, जब मैं शांत बैठ सकूंगा

चाँद के बगल, धागे पकड़ा, एक चमकता सितारा हूँगा.

Violence is not evil, what’s evil is the infatuation with violence

2010-09-25T09:04:00.000-07:00

“BANG!!!” , a shot roared through the forest. Birds flew away, monkeys started shouting, and a few deer which had been camouflaged by the forest now ran for their lives. Tanay and Anil looked back to see Shrey with his gun, the smoke still coming out from the barrel and a strange twisted smile across his face. Anil ran towards Shrey, snatched the rifle from him, and flung it across. “What the hell is wrong with you??? I thought you said it was for self defense only.” “NO NO NO”, they heard Tanay shout, they traced his direction and saw that he was running towards a barasingha, which now lay in a pool of blood, breathing small gasps of air. It saw Tanay running toward it, and even in that state of near death, with all the little energy it had, it tried to run away, away from him. He stopped a few metres away when he saw the fear in the barasingha’s eyes and it’s desperation to get away from him. Unable to move, the barasingha lay there breathing his last. A little distance away, Tanay saw a little fawn standing by a clearing, looking at the barasingha. It wanted to come close but the sight of him made it flinch away. Tanay stepped back carefully so it wouldn’t feel threatened. As soon as Tanay was a safe distance away, the fawn ran towards the barasingha, who had breathed his last by then. It poked the barasingha, licked its head, its nose trying to elicit a response but there was none. The little one just stood there, confused, alone, helpless. Tanay stood behind, watching all this and he swore when the fawn looked at him he could see tears in its eyes. Filled with rage, he ran towards Shrey and flung himself at him, trying to punch and slap him “MURDERER!!! THAT WAS A FAMILY YOU DESTROYED! LOOK AT THAT KID!!! I”LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS! NEVER!!! “

Shrey tried to fight Tanay, seemingly unfazed by what had just happened. “Animals are killed every day, what’s one more to the tally??? “ Anil, who had remained quiet till then, told them to leave for their room. He had been particularly disturbed by what had happened. Shrey had been his friend for over 5 years now, and what he had witnessed today shook the very basis of their friendship.

That evening they were in no mood for the safari and went to the museum instead. As they entered, they saw a life-size replica of a barasingha at the entrance. Both Tanay and Anil looked at Shrey with a look of disappointment which he shrugged off. Though he acted as if what he had done had not affected him, it had. Deep down, he felt guilty about killing the deer. But he brushed that emotion aside, refusing to recognize it. He had apologized to both of them. But that was all he did. He would not confess his crime. They went about looking at other exhibits and roamed about for nearly a couple of hours till they had forgotten about what had happened that morning. It was nearing the closing time of the museum and people had started leaving. But there was this one section that they still hadn’t been to. It had been full of people an hour earlier but now everybody had dispersed, except for a few families roaming about. They went inside the room, and on the right corner there lay a section separated by a curtain and outside a sign that said,

“SEE AT YOUR OWN RISK. THE MOST DANGEROUS ANIMAL ON EARTH ! “

Tanay refused to inside since he had a fear of the dark, and he didn’t want to supplement that fear by adding another dangerous animal to an already long list.

Shrey went inside the curtain, looked straight and kept staring for a minute.

A single tear rolled down his cheeks as he stared at a reflection of himself.

He kept looking at the mirror for another minute, at his reflection.

He closed his eyes, and he saw the little fawn next to it's dead father.

He knew.

Joie de Vivre !

2008-10-12T11:55:00.000-07:00

We live in a troubled world as such,
where doubts, and fears, and falls are much,
where every step is carefully taken,
and freedom of the soul is forsaken

For two meals a day, for a cloth on the back,
for a roof on the head, and money in the bank,
You strive to pass another day,
juggling your acts, dancing away

You leave the world as you came hitherto,
not a shred of thread, not a thought more so,
Yet all your life, you struggle and brave,
the needs and expectations of many,
while under it all, you sit and crave,
for peace and quiet, and an unending journey

For man was born a thinker,
and think he always will,
Of visions and ambitions and fantasies and needs,
that haunt him, that remain unfulfilled

Once comes a time in his life,
when all may come true,
When the gamble is on,
and the stake is his life,
do you pull out or go through?

Roll the dice, set the wheels in motion,
destiny, fate, silence this commotion,
Be the master, of your life,
the world is your oyster, be alive!

Have no regrets, have no remorse,
every moment is precious, treasure the past,
This is your day, this is your time,
and all i can say is, Carpe Diem...

Ghamza, Ada, Nigah, Tabassum................ Guile, Grace, Glance, Smile.........

2008-09-24T10:54:00.000-07:00

Sitting there, stoned as life itself,
i look about, to find reflections of one self
As a wave of green catches my eye,
i wonder, is this it, fantasy personified

Her hair tied up in a ponytail,
with mascara under her eyes veil
She smiles with a smile infectious,
and i long to have a moment, just us

She looks across, we steal glances,
i melt, as my fickle heart prances
If i could even have you as a friend,
a freebird would sing, no pretends

We sense each other, a lust sublime,
to break this moment, ah! a crime
She breaks the spell, and walks away,
leaves me with a smile, makes my day

I hope to catch her again, soon
to play again, for she left me a loon
To have the pleasure of knowing her,
to know the pleasure of having her
She lingers on, like a melody in my head,
enchants me, leaves me, more alive than dead...

The Sound Of Silence

2008-05-04T08:12:00.000-07:00

In this a beauty lies,

no bar withhold, forever shines,

With power of ease, of deceit, of grief,

with the power of terrifying

It holds within a mystery unknown,

of power, and awe, and legends afore,

Of life, of death, of heaven, of hell,

of god, and space, and the final farewell

A silence of the woods is a sound alike,

sound heard on a dawn hilltop hike,

Where all of life hangs in the air,

just disturbed by a mynah’s prayer

A peaceful calm, an amusing thought,

a frightening still, to a solitary crawl,

It hangs itself on a single note,

Falling and rising, like waves and a boat. . . .

Into The Wild.... Exile

2008-05-04T07:52:00.000-07:00

Leave the car, the money, the rum,

Leave civilization, become one,

One with nature, birds, and beasts,

Take your backpack and walk the streets,

Climb the hills, ahead, into the hard sun

Freedom of the mind, the soul,

You tend to lose all self control,

Nothing to take, nothing to fake,

Peace and freedom, yours to take,

Living life like the way it should,

No war, no pain, brotherhood,

Enjoy life, happiness, bliss,

Have someone to share it with,

“Happiness only real when shared”,

A sad man dies lone and scared.

One Crazy Cat...

2008-05-04T07:33:00.000-07:00

She had a thing about herself,
that no one could deny,
You found a mystery unto itself,
deepened by time

A smile on the face,
a confusion about her,
traveling in a daze,
with no one around her

Living a life, like the others,
monotony surrounds, feels like a prisoner,
You wish to break and run free,
the road less traveled, Uncertainty

The idealist in her explodes at times,
why kill, why hurt, she cries,
Far from the world, far from the lies,
true life and beauty, nature's prize

She covets, entices, with her eyes,
you wander, you search, what is it she hides,
A secret glimpse is all you're shown,
you persist, to solve this mystery unknown,
As the cat returns to the shadows, alone...

Engineering - The beginning

2007-12-14T23:52:00.000-08:00

Boards are over, ur sitting like a duck ,
whats ur problem, why u actin like a schmuck ,
Dude, just go, the worst is yet to come ,
Dad aint got no business, that i just have to run

Preparing, revising, judgement day is soon ,
16th of April's my IIT-JEE , a month later, my AIEEE,
Pulling all-nighters, and no telephones ,
Why did i do this, why did i take this course ?
Now im stuck at home, FUCK YOU COMMERCE !!!

Exams are over, u think ur done ,
But wait, life aint easy, its a mean little bitch ,
Yeah u guessed it, tomorrow's the board result ,
hah... life's like a Nazi firing squad ,
Waitin in line, u know ur gonna get fucked ,
Your turn aint comin, ur tired of the wait ,
Come on now... HIT ME WITH IT !!!

Oh why did i do this ,
why did i take this course?
No time to party ,
just sulk around the house

Didya hear ? Its the D-day ,
yup, results comin out today ,
And dont even dream about IIT ,
yeah.. no... but what about AIEEE ?
Again screwed up, but u'll get into AIT
Finally over, the bullet goes through me ,
The pain, the suffering, the agony ,
I fall and rest into the grave dug by me

Wait!! What did you say? Drop... hah !!!
Drop and u'll get into IIT , u say
Well ma... fuck it... im goin to AIT , i say
U'll regret this decision , think about it , u say
I've been rackin my brains for 2 yrs, no more , i say

First day at college, the prestigious AIT ,
it's your counselling, u sit and wait and see ,
We'll have uniform, u ask your dad ,
Yeah, u do, but you know, its not that bad ,
Son, you see the names up on the wall,
i'm sure one day your name will be beside them all,
Sure dad, u know i'll do my best ,
Little did you know, a month later ,
you'd be smokin up on the day of your test

Now i know why i did it,
now i know why i took this course ,
Night-out's and partying,
getting drunk in the morning,
chai at Baba's shop ,
Lake and the Singhad fort

Somehow managing to get up at exactly 9:15 ,
sittin in the last bench, where u've always been ,
Life ain't easy, its difficult to survive ,
when the money's over, friends quickly hide

And then it's submission, feels like a slap on the back ,
One week and four files to complete, oh.. its a trap ,
People shoutin.... Exams are nearing!! when u gonna start ?
Me ? whats the rush, got our PL's for that....

Now i know why i did it ,
Why i took this course ,
Life's fun and crazy, 4 , maybe 5 yrs ,
Enjoy it the most....

Hate

2007-12-14T23:23:00.000-08:00

The world we live in, is full of hate ,
exercised, justified, by the walls we create,
Why must one man kill another ,
why must he fight for bread and butter

Human nature is hard to define ,
from helping in need, to planting a mine ,
Not all are filled with this hate ,
there are some who help to break ,
This divide, this anger between us all ,
create a world of harmony, peace, no more walls

This emotion burns us all inside ,
no thoughts, no regrets, it blinds our eyes ,
For when a man is filled with hate ,
he feels no love, no compassion, just blind hate

The world must learn to forgive ,
and with each other peacefully live ,
To let go of that absorbing hate ,
Only then shall we love find ,
to remember, as gandhi once said ,
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind...

Apathy

2007-12-14T23:02:00.000-08:00

People dying , people crying ,
Ignorance fills our heads ,
Bombs exploding , bodies piling ,
Innocence lost in this world of hate

It's sickening, you know,
We just dont care ,
Apathy , Apathy , everywhere....

A child gives his last smile ,
as an explosion ends his world ,
A girl has her first kiss ,
as bullets rip her apart ,
Life has lost all meaning ,
greed and power ruin our souls

When will we realize ,
when will we learn ,
There is no end, to all this greed ,
It's an addiction , it's a high ,
choose to be strong and leave it ,
or to be weak and try

The weak's burden shall be borne by the strong ,
This apathy must end, we must question, how long ???

Lies

2007-05-12T02:57:00.000-07:00

There is a little kid, playing with his toys,
the bell rings, a man asks, ma'm would you like to buy?
No, thank you, his mom says, we already have this one,
he looks at her confused, but mom, we didn't have that one

I know, my son, but sometimes you have to say,
things that are not true, to keep people at bay,
He begins to understand, to comprehend why,
he has just experienced his first lie

To lie is easy, for it is a sin,
to face the truth and say it, requires courage within,
Man takes the easy way out, for he is a creature weak,
if he can get away with a lie, the truth he dare not speak

Some men are strong, with principals and beliefs,
no matter the consequence, the truth they will speak,
But a child who is young does not see,
doesn't understand the virtues of honesty

Slowly the child begins to feel,
lying will help him a great deal,
To escape the scolding, to get out of trouble,
not realizing, the balloon of guilt is about to burst like a bubble

And then one day he got caught,
for it, the deserving punishment he got,
Parents trust and faith in him is over,
sacred bond between them broken

Parents mourn that their own child,
has been feeding them lies all this while,
Slowly they begin to cast him aside,
he can't gather the courage to meet their eyes

Then the child wonders why,
did he always have to lie,
To carry the burden of fear and guilt,
to break the wall of trust they built

He begins to accept and see,
honesty is the best policy,
Just the truth, no strings attached,
without any guilt, free at last

And when any temptations to lie arise,
he remembers the pain in his mother's eyes,
Realizes that all the scolding and troubles are worthwhile,
just for a look of pride in his father's eyes....

Femme Fatale

2007-05-09T20:43:00.000-07:00

A full moon night, a starless sky,
power in her walk, fire in her eyes,
She walks in the alleys with as much ease,
as she does in those high class parties

Beauty her strength, seduction her weapon,
alert, aware, armed for protection,
She enters, taking your breath away,
mesmerising, enchanting, but keeping you at bay

Like a cat on the prowl in the middle of the night,
scans the crowd in the hope that she might,
Find her prey and be quick to pounce,
before some other cat devours her mouse

She charms him with her wit and beauty,
luring him in with her ingenuity,
She's done this before, no guilt she feels,
sans emotions, an ice maiden, cold as steel

She wasn't always such, it wasn't always business,
she smiled, she cried, she had longed for his caress,
She had been in love, in a state of bliss,
She treasured every moment, his touch, his smile, every kiss

But in a flash her world came to an end,
used her, deserted her, he was just a pretend,
Broke her heart, she could never understand,
blown away, like footsteps in the sand

That day she took a vow,
No more pain and crying from now,
never would she love again,
love was a waste, with nothing to gain

A quote in the bible had warned,
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,
She roamed the society, luring men into her traps,
destroying, ruining, bringing them down to rags

And when she goes to sleep at night,
sometimes wishes, life could have turned out right,
Love, family, children who would her name call,
instead she roams the streets, alone, the Femme Fatale...

First Year in the hostel...

2007-05-09T12:42:00.000-07:00

First day at college, you're at the counselling,
looking around, checking out everything,
Talking to batchmates, making new friends,
analysing chicks, prospective girlfriends

You enter the hostel, go to your room,
meet your roommate, thank god he's 'cool',
You begin adjusting, start to feel good,
new friends, new place, free from school

And then you get the shock of your life,
your roommates back, bald, what happened to those spikes?
Its compulsary dude, like a first year thing,
shaved head and formals... welcome to ragging

First two months, it feels like a prison,
sulking in a corner, doing chores for everyone,
You smell freedom, it's freshers night,
little did you know, real ragging begins tonight

Time passes slowly, first sem comes to an end,
so do the night outs and parties, exams at your head,
Trying to study, book in one hand, fag in the other,
tempted to watch movies, play quake on the computer

Exams over, freedom at last,
smoking pot and getting drunk, having a blast,
Now to catch the train for home,
parents waiting at the station dome

Exams went well, you tell your dad,
you're back safe and sound, moms just glad,
You meet your friends, roam around all day,
grab a beer, check out babes at PVR Saket

Time to go back, next sem's starting,
pack your bags, glad you're returning,
Be focused...keep your head clear, you hear dad say,
all you think is, no more lecturing from today

Boring subjects, same old teachers,
acting like the're gods own preachers,
The egr teacher begins to invoke Krishna,
all i invoke is the wrath of Chandola

Parties stopped, nightouts cancelled,
people depressed, well, results are out,
Most have done well, you haven't,
All clear, down, and disti in the air

Two whole weeks lasts the mourning,
then it's back to movies till morning,
Back to sleeping in the classes,
missing pracs and going to Baba for some classics

Before you know it, it's submission,
looking for files and readings for completion,
Profs keep you waiting till the very last day,
for all the troubles and bunking, they will make you pay

Submissions over, time to go home,
exams ahead, back to the study room,
You sit, and sweat, and slog all day,
keeping the fags and beer at bay

Back in the hostel, exams from tomorrow,
nightout for roting the five year papers you borrow,
Exams over, even the dreaded EGR,
rained again, it's been bad luck so far

Time to party, get drunk and stoned,
enjoying it while you can, before your train home,
First year in the hostel was a rollercoaster of sorts,
it started and ended all too fast,
And all you remember from the ride,
is the fun you had, every single time....

Sorrow

2007-05-07T05:56:00.000-07:00

Emotions in this world are many,
and one of them is in plenty,
It's the one that seeps deep inside,
through time it does in you reside,
That one powerful feeling is sorrow,
saddens your soul, keeps you hollow

Every single place in the world,
everyone, be it young or old,
Sleeps with a sorrow in his heart,
of something he hasn't got

A lost son, a daughter in pain,
a bitter rivalry with nothing to gain,
Lives are lost and lives taken,
fighting over pieces of paper

Greed and revenge ruin our souls,
heart turning black as coal,
Love lost in the deep recesses,
fear and anger begins to surface

People find an excuse to go to war,
satisfying their greed for more power,
Entire cities begin to vanish,
callously termed as collateral damage

Life loses it's meaning, no one cries,
as a mother wathes her only son die,
a daughter raped infront of her eyes,
Will we ever be satisfied ?

Be it poor or rich, old or young,
a deep sorrow haunts everyone,
Painfully entwined with our soul,
boring in it a deep hole

One often wishes for it to liberate,
and let go of that absorbing hate,
To feel pure and holy again,
to heal the excruciating pain

In that hope we love and give,
without malice, gain, or any motive,
For a smile on the face of that orphaned child,
to rid yourself of that sorrow, if only for a while....

Parents

2007-05-07T02:15:00.000-07:00

When you're a kid, and do what you're told,
parents are your eyes to the world,
You see what they see, and do what they do,
they are all thats important, idols to you

You choose wrong from right,
by doing what your parents might,
You try copying their every move,
everything they say is true

And as you grow, you realize,
you have choices, different needs arise,
Dont want that glass of milk today,
just want to play all day

Then comes the second phase as a child,
when parents are not always right,
You rebel and your parents punish,
slowly the hate begins to furnish

With it come the slaps and the crying,
shouting, cursing, and the lying,
When promises are made to be broken,
trust and faith are out in the open

And that is when you turn to friends,
you feel only they can understand,
What you go through, your problems at hand,
they become your support, for they beside you stand

At this stage your friends become,
most important in your life,
You share your pain, your jokes,
your sorrows, your dreams all the time

Slowly peer pressure begins to set in,
your parents you just keep avoiding,
Small talk at the dinner table,
weekly lecture on your time table

As your board year arrives,
parental pressure begins to rise,
Study, slog it out, is all they say,
sitting on your head all day

Now, when you think in retrospect,
about the fights, the lecturing you get,
For you they always want the best,
your support, your true friends, your parents...

People

2007-05-05T08:46:00.000-07:00

The day i was born, i realized,
was the day people came into my life,
The first touch, the first pull,
the first smile , and the first lull

Different people entered my life,
and as a kid i categorized,
The ones i loved, the ones i didnt,
and others whom i just ignored

As time passed, and as i grew,
so did the number of people i knew,
That is when i understood,
the world's not all fair and good

Full of things like fear and hate,
jealousy, rivalry, and revenge,
Of lies, filth and deception,
spreading everywhere like an infection

And people who just pretend,
to be cool, and follow the trend,
People who laugh at jokes you crack,
and as you turn, stab you in the back

So over the course of time,
you begin to understand,
That true friends are hard to find,
who help you in need and beside you stand

Who take pleasure in your pleasure,
and pain in your pain,
Would rather be hurt,
than have anything to gain,
from your sorrows, from your falls,
are proud of you, for who you are,
These are called real friends,
with whom you never have to pretend

And in the end you realize,
all that is important in your life,
Is to have that one true friend you care for,
who's with you through thick and thin, near and far...

A Lonely Soul...

2007-05-05T03:31:00.000-07:00

I wander alone in this deep abyss,
a place i call my mind,
With sorrows and griefs and pleasure and pain,
there is oh so much to find,
A memory distant, a friendship broken,
a love that was never mine,
I brood alone in the dark,
Alas! A lonely soul.

Life is strange, as it has always been,
confusing, annoying, pleasing me,
Friends have come, and gone and come,
so has love, unrequited love, fleeting elusively,
A pained heart, a broken life,
A nightmare forever haunting me,
I brood alone in the dark,
Alas! A lonely soul.

Life is more, i tell myself,
than what till now has offered me,
So much to feel, so much to see,
encompassed by a world of beauty.

Wondrous places, enchanting sights,
beautiful people, starlit nights,
Cultures of the world exotic,
with histories equally magnifique.

Then at last i wonder why,
I brood alone in the dark,
Reassuring myself again and again,
I'm not a lonely soul......

Nightmares.....

2007-05-05T01:01:00.000-07:00

Every single night of my life
Has been strange has been a fight
People people everywhere…
But why am I kid why am I so scared
Sittin in the center sittin in the darkness
All I feel is suffocation…..

Move, move, I can’t move, I can’t move
Breathe, breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe
See, see, I can’t see, I can’t see,
All I feel is pain pain everywhere
I scream, shout, get up,
Ahhhhh………
These fuckin nightmares,
Fuckin nightmares…..
Fuckin nightmares…….
Ahhhhh………

Every single night of my life
Has been strange has been a fight
Always up in the middle of the night
Always trembling with fright
The face I always see,
In my dreams from which I flee,
The voice I always hear,
In my dreams, and run from there…..

“You”, I shout,
Why, do I see?
You in my dreams, u in my sleep…
Why are you the source of my fear?
Why are you the reason I have ……….
THESE FUCKIN NIGHTMARES…….
THESE FUCKIN NIGHTMARES……..
THESE FUCKIN NIGHTMARES……
Move, move, I can’t move, I can’t move
Breathe, breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe
See, see, I can’t see, I can’t see,
All I feel is pain pain everywhere
I scream out, shout, get up
These fuckin nightmares,
Fuckin nightmares…..
Fuckin nightmares…….
Ahhhhh………